10 Things You Should NOT Do If You Want to STAY Married
9 Feb
I know Valentine’s Day is fast approaching so I figured I’d do up a short list of some things that guys should keep in mind if they want to keep a little spark and romance in their marriage. (This was inspired by this little nuggety pearl of wisdom I posted earlier.) Warning: snot, poop and farty talk ahead.
10 Things You Should NOT Do If You Want to STAY Married
- Don’t take a dump while your wife is in the shower. We really don’t want to smell your poop while we’re washing ourselves with our $40 aromatheraphy body wash.
- Holding a door open long enough for it to close right in your wife’s face while she’s carrying in 15 bags of groceries is not funny or gentlemanly.
- If you’re showering with your wife, please don’t pee in the shower like you normally do when you’re showering alone.
- Don’t say “She’s Hawt!” about every girl that walks by when you’re shopping together at the mall.
- Don’t hide big, expensive, inappropriate purchases in your vehicle or garage and expect your wife to never find out. You’re fooling yourself if you think a woman can’t sniff out an object that was overpaid for.
- Picking flowers from the McDonald’s drive through and handing them to your wife as a Valentine’s Day present is not going to get you laid.
- Mention your wife once in awhile to friends and family. Use her name, not “The Old Lady” or “The Wife”. Make sure they know she exists and that she’s not a troll.
- I know a hot shower tends to loosen up a plugged nose, but try to find it in your heart to wait until you get out to blow your nose. Cleaning snot off the shower walls is not romantic.
- If you’re going to be late for supper, pick up your cell phone and call. If you don’t have a cell or it’s dead, borrow someone else’s or find a payphone. If not, you might find some of your shower snot in your pasta sauce the next time you do show up for supper.
- Do not fart right before, during, or after sex. I really shouldn’t have to explain why.
BONUS TIP: For the “morning pooper” guys who have pregnant wives with morning sickness – it is 100% OK to wake up your wife in the morning by flushing the toilet after you do your thing. It is not considerate to let her sleep for an hour and have her wake up, run to the can, and be greeted by your business.
LOL these are funny! And the little blurb at the end about morning sickness and morning poopers – EEEEEW!
Yeah, I’m sorry I had to include that in there, but if it might help even one person out in the world somewhere, it was worth it.
Then again, maybe I’m the only weirdo that has ever happened to….
I laughed so hard reading this, it needed to be said tough, many people don’t know these rules LOL I have to Tweet this
Lolol very funny stuff… I could not agree with you more. Romantic is key here, no matter how long you have been with your wife romance lives. Bodily functions we all have them but sharing them during inappropriate times is KEY. Very funny!
@Florentina – Thanks! I definitely think more men need to be aware of these rules.
@gabriella – Yes, pooping while your wife is in the shower doesn’t win any brownie points, that’s for sure!
Thanks for stopping by ladies!