Pukers, Narcoleptics, and Good Tunes

Today I thought I saw a dead lady behind the wheel of her car. I was driving down main street to pick up my son from preschool and I noticed a car sitting a ways back from the stop line at some traffic lights. The turn signal was on and there were no cars coming but the vehicle wasn’t moving. As I drove by, I saw the old lady sitting with her mouth open, head to the side, and eyes closed. My heart stopped for a few beats when I saw that. I was expecting to see some shmuck talking on his cell phone and not paying attention, or some ditz putting on lip gloss in the rearview mirror. Instead, it was a friggin unconscious old lady!

There were quite a few vehicles behind her waiting to turn. I started to pull over and planned on running over to her car but when I looked back, she had started to slowly turn and go on her merry way. Thank you for not making her dead, Universe! What a way to go that would be.

After I picked up my son, we drove home and pulled into the driveway. I got out of the car and heard someone throwing up. Lo and behold, there was a rubby doubled over just a few feet from our car. He was barfing his ever loving guts out! I got the kids quickly into the house and then peeped at him out the back door. He continued down the alley, stopping every five feet or so to vomit. After he finished, he’d take a swig from a little black bottle. He puked a few more times, polished off whatever was in the bottle, then tossed it into a snow bank. Thank you, Universe, for creating low-lifes like that and ensuring my kids are exposed to them.

And now I’ll leave you with an awesome but completely unrelated song, Mykonos by Fleet Foxes. Enjoy!