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Buddy Systems will save the day in North Battleford

24 Feb

So the mayor of North Battleford figures we should have a “buddy system” when venturing downtown. This is in light of a “recent report” that shows our city’s downtown is an “area of concern”. Maybe a recent stabbing led them to carry out this report. Maybe it’s the fact that downtown NB has been a slime pit for years!

“It might be public awareness of buddy systems, ensuring that people are aware of their surroundings and go for walks with a buddy all the time,” Hamilton said.

Next time I have to go deposit some money at the bank, I’ll be sure to call up my friends and see if any of them are available to walk with me. That will keep me safe.

He also said more police officers could be assigned to walk the downtown streets.

There “could” be more officers assigned to walk the beat? How about, there WILL be. Starting NOW!

Or, how about getting rid of that disgusting bingo hall and the putrid pawn shops that plague that unfortunate street? Those pieces of shit don’t belong downtown. Move them away from the center of the city, which should be the heart of the city, and draw the unemployed slobs away from it.

There's no shame in unemployment if you stay indoors

Stabbing at RBC in North Battleford

12 Feb

There was a stabbing this morning on 101st street outside of the Royal Bank Tower. The suspect has been arrested (and rightly so since the cop shop is less than a block away!) and no information has been released yet about how serious the injuries are of the woman who was stabbed.

This reminds me of a night just over ten years ago when my then-boyfriend was held up at that the RBC bank with a sawed off shotgun by some lowlife on drugs. Turns out he knew the guy too! Luckily for us at the time, we were twelve dollars in the red in our bank account so the loser got nothing except his face on the security cameras.

I have to go to that bank at least once a week and I make several trips a month to other nearby banks and shops. I usually have my two small children with me.

How about we clean up downtown North Battleford and get rid of the rubbies that loiter about the sidewalks and harass citizens who are trying to go about their daily business?

I don’t appreciate having people ask me for cigarettes or telling my kids that they have a “good lookin’ mommy” while I’m trying to deposit a check or buy some pastries from the bakery. Go get a job and/or do something with your life! If you refuse to get a job or offer your time to our community, then go take your lazy ass somewhere else where you won’t bother anyone.

And stop stabbing people for the love of all that is holy!

Pukers, Narcoleptics, and Good Tunes

3 Feb

Today I thought I saw a dead lady behind the wheel of her car. I was driving down main street to pick up my son from preschool and I noticed a car sitting a ways back from the stop line at some traffic lights. The turn signal was on and there were no cars coming but the vehicle wasn’t moving. As I drove by, I saw the old lady sitting with her mouth open, head to the side, and eyes closed. My heart stopped for a few beats when I saw that. I was expecting to see some shmuck talking on his cell phone and not paying attention, or some ditz putting on lip gloss in the rearview mirror. Instead, it was a friggin unconscious old lady!

There were quite a few vehicles behind her waiting to turn. I started to pull over and planned on running over to her car but when I looked back, she had started to slowly turn and go on her merry way. Thank you for not making her dead, Universe! What a way to go that would be.

After I picked up my son, we drove home and pulled into the driveway. I got out of the car and heard someone throwing up. Lo and behold, there was a rubby doubled over just a few feet from our car. He was barfing his ever loving guts out! I got the kids quickly into the house and then peeped at him out the back door. He continued down the alley, stopping every five feet or so to vomit. After he finished, he’d take a swig from a little black bottle. He puked a few more times, polished off whatever was in the bottle, then tossed it into a snow bank. Thank you, Universe, for creating low-lifes like that and ensuring my kids are exposed to them.

And now I’ll leave you with an awesome but completely unrelated song, Mykonos by Fleet Foxes. Enjoy!

An Open Letter To Parents of Students at Battleford Central School

22 Oct

To those that park on the street like you’re supposed to, kudos and thank you! To the rest of you:

The parking lot that teachers park in on the North side of the school is a PARKING LOT FOR TEACHERS! It is NOT meant for you to drive through to pick up your kids.

Every time a parent drives through to pick up their kid, they risk running someone else’s kid over. You run the risk of hitting MY child. I may be small, but nobody ever wants to see what I’m capable of doing if someone hurt one of my children.

I was nearly run over while walking my daughter back to our car (that was parked on the STREET) no less than THREE times!

Are you more important than the rest of us who have to park on the street? Do you pay extra school fees so you have the privilege of parking there? Is your child’s life worth more than mine?

In case you’re an asshole, the answer is a resounding NO.

There are numerous signs posted that say “No Through Traffic”. If you’re capable of driving a vehicle, you should be plenty capable of reading those signs and obeying them. If not, then I hope you won’t mind if I shove those signs up your ass. Then maybe you’ll pay attention to them.

I can tolerate ignorant people, but I will not tolerate them putting my children’s lives in jeopardy. Go be stupid somewhere else where it doesn’t hurt people around you.

Dredg: A band that kicks some major ass

22 Aug

I’ve been keeping my eye (ear?) on the band Dredg and I’m glad to see they’re finally starting to get a lot of recognition because they kick a lot of ASS!

Here are just a few of their songs:

These guys rock hard. Check out how they play their instruments! They must burn five thousand calories per hour playing those things. It’s refreshing to see a band who is really in it for the music.

Tootaloo Poops!

17 Jun

So my 3 year old son was taking a crunch on the potty the other day and while he was flushing, he was yelling at the toilet, “Bye bye poops, have a good weekend!”.

The Firefly Song

21 May

fireflyI was at the computer writing an article while my 5 year old daughter was wandering around the house, singing a song she made up. I couldn’t understand all the words, but I typed out the ones I could because I thought they were cute and funny. I may have a little poet on my hands.

Morgan’s song

chubby cheeks with black and blue eyes
a cord that’s been bitten
a pretty room with a nice warm bed that my mommy sleeps in
i’ll make castles that are not messy
anytime you can play and make me fly with teeny tiny fireflies
fireflies glow like stars right here
a nice walk with a house with a castle inside

fireflies are little stars
anywhere that i love here to play right in my backyard
it’s so good and clean and soft
fireflies are sparkly anywhere that i sing
and the table is so shiny with the light on it
to play all the fishes, the wind is blowing
branches are breaking
frogs are so nice
knots untied with no knots
this summer we’ll go to the poooooooool
it’s so good, fireflies, sparkling chairs
and whole bunch of things here

Fireflies are glowing stars
two pumpkins with seeds
movies, watching them
anything that you care
anywhere that has a gift
with a thing that you care
fireflies are so goooooooood
i wish i could paint a cardboard seed
but i fell down on the couch
anyone to play with is a friend
a boyfriend, that plays with you

42 by Coldplay – you might be a goat

15 May

The song “42″ by Coldplay is one of my favorites. I’ve listened to it at least 98 times since I got the album so my daughter was forced to listen too. It must have grew on her cause now she runs around singing, “You thought you might be a goat! You thought you might be a goat!”

Demetri Martin – Large Pad Findings

18 Apr

Demetri Martin is one of the most hilarious little cuties I’ve ever seen. This is one of the very first “sketches” I had seen him do and it’s still one of my favourites. If you’re in need of a laugh, watch!


Demetri Martin – Large Pad – Watch more Funny Videos

Vanilla Coffee candle – better than drugs

8 Mar

If the vanilla coffee candle from Beanpod was a drug, I’d be high ALL THE TIME!

I don’t think I’ve ever smelled anything so good in my life (except for my grandma’s cooking after a long day of swimming lessons and no eating). I leave the jar by my desk so I can take the lid off every two minutes and smell the crap out of it.

It’s all I can do not to sink my teeth into that juicy candle and eat every last morsel.