CassieGermsheid.com

You know how movies are so predictable? Like, just once - JUST ONCE - I’d like to see a movie where someone coughs and they don’t die or get deathly ill. Well, this is a list of 100 things that this guy would do if he became an evil overlord, instead of what they always do in movies (or books or comics). I found this via http://www.saynotocrack.com. You should bookmark that blog, it’s a gooder.

The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

It’s definitely worth the read. There are a few that made me laugh out loud (because I’m morbid). Here are a few of my favorites.

7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says “I’ll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!”, I will say “Oh well” and kill her.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others’ lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

That reminds me, I’d also like to see a movie where two people of the opposite sex can actually go through the entire thing without becoming love interests. I’m all for happy endings and sappy romances, but seriously! It doesn’t always have to end that way. Now do as I say and go read that list.

If you liked the Dairy Queen commercial where the guy was blowing fire out of his mouth after eating a burger, then you’ll like the new one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUOqFV_v5po

It might even be better than the old one.

If you have 8 minutes of spare time, watch this video. Even if you don’t have 8 minutes, you still need to watch it if you want the best laugh of your life. I almost pissed myself and my entire head hurts from laughing so hard.

The Wizard of Oz is perhaps one of my most favourite movies of all time. I also love to watch American Chopper. If you haven’t seen either one, then you’ll have no clue what this post is about. For those of you that have…am I on to something here or what?

I can’t help but think that the Cowardly Lion looks suspiciously like Paul Teutul Sr. from Orange County Choppers (OCC).

My grandpa dropped off some old books from his house that I used to read as a kid. Some of these books were actually my moms so they’re pretty ancient. Ha ha ha, right?

Anyway, my daughter loved these new books, and she asked me to read her one before bed. She picked Little Red Riding Hood.

As I started reading it, I remembered what the actual story was about. A long book quickly turned into a VERY short story.

I had totally forgotten about what a horrible story it really was. Grandma gets eaten by a wolf? Then he gobbles up Little Red Riding Hood too? Then the father comes in and rips the wolf open with an axe to get them out?!

Not exactly kid friendly stuff here.

Then I thought about all the other stories we used to read as kids, Hansel and Gretel being one of them. I’m amazed that this stuff never scared the living shit out of me!

A wicked stepmother leaving her husband’s children in the forest to starve? Fattening up a kid to eat him? Throwing an old lady in a flaming oven? Geez, what were people thinking when they wrote this stuff?

Even some of the old cartoons were horrible. The old Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show was pretty bad sometimes. The things that Tweety did to poor Sylvester were just downright rude. And Wile E. Coyote should have been dead a thousand times over.

They blame Marilyn Manson for school shootings and violent movies for aggressive teens, but they should be looking at all these old fairy tales (more like scary tales - ha ha ha I’m on a roll) and cartoons. I know I won’t be reading those books to my daughter anymore or she might start walking the streets looking for stray dogs to axe or scary looking old women to burn.

Disclaimer: I’m not actually as serious as you might think I am.

The Fruitcake Lady on Jay Leno (who was also Truman Capote’s aunt) died this November, but her “Ask The Fruitcake Lady” segments will live on forever. Press play below if you need a laugh. She’s hilarious!

WARNING: Don’t eat oatmeal while you’re watching this or you’ll have to wipe it off your computer screen like I did.

I was watching Care Bears with my daughter this morning, and it brought back some fond memories of my own childhood.

I remember getting up before the sun on Saturdays and watching cartoons all morning long. I miss the good old days when cartoons were a Saturday thing instead of all day every day like they are now.

Anyway, while I was watching Care Bears, I remembered the little bumpers they used to play on ABC and the tune even popped into my head!

Lucky for you, I’ve got them right here. My favorite is the one where the singers switch heads.

It’s -31C right now, which is is about -24 degrees Fahrenheit. With wind chill it feels like -43C which is over -45F!!!

I feel really bad for anyone who has to go out today. Especially parents lugging around their little kids to and from daycare. Actually, all the schools in Saskatoon are closed today, so hopefully the parents can stay home where it’s warm and spend the day with their kids.

According to the news last night, the blizzard we had yesterday was the worst we’ve had in years. Today there are warnings all over the province and a lot of roads are closed.

Emergency crews were working around the clock yesterday to make sure all the stranded vehicles were empty. Lots of people were trapped in their cars for hours and there were even people stranded at business. Costco employees had blankets for their trapped customers and they even made them meals.

Did I mention I’m glad I got to stay home yesterday?

The Yip Yip Martians from Sesame Street were awesome!

Well, it’s just after lunch time here and I’m still in my pajamas. Maybe I should get dressed. I should probably do the dishes too, and pick up toys, and do some laundry, and figure out what I’m going to make for supper tonight.

Today I’ve accomplished watching a movie and eating some cereal. That’s about it. I must be depressed today. That and I didn’t get enough sleep last night because my daughter crawled into bed with me at about 2:30 a.m. because she had pooped. I just can’t seem to get away from it. The fact that it’s blowing snow at a million miles a minute today probably doesn’t help either. Crappy weather always makes me feel crappy.

I guess I’ll put some clothes on now and try and be productive. But first I’ll watch the Doodlebops with my kids.